Deserving Love

Abandoned Window Art

So much weighs her down.

  Her morale slipping.

    Her positive energy draining.

        Many a burden weigh her down.

Which may explain why

At this moment right now,

She isn’t thinking

She deserves love.

Love is an ambiguous word

With many a differently interpreted world

But here’s the “love” she decides

She doesn’t, and won’t ever, deserve…

Love

Of a flimsy but popular kind

The kind that takes your imagination everywhere

But ends up really going nowhere

The kind with metal strings and insecure conditions

That force her to one-sidedly make endless compromises

Love

Of a kind that could make her

Hate herself.

No, she does not deserve that kind of less-than-enough love.

She deserves the genuine kind: more than enough.

Love

Of rare but gold-dripping quality

The kind that is boundless in mercy

The kind with many a flaw that is

Forever being addressed and being fixed

The kind that is solid and does not melt at the slightest heat

Love

Of a kind that the more she loves another,

Increases her own self-love.

Genuine soul-quenching love is rare.

  She knows it could be right around the corner.

    Or right around the decade.

        Or perhaps, right around another lifetime.

                She knows there is a possibility she may never find it.

        But that’s okay.

    She knows the kind of love she deserves.

  And she could give it to herself.

Finding a sincere lover would be more than enough.

Her present self-love is already enough.

But to settle for less than enough?

Never.

~
Color and White

“people hate it when you know your worth. you draw the line, you set the precedence, you stand your ground, and they flip the coin on you and make it seem like you’re the one with a problem. “you’re too demanding, you’re too selective, you’re too judgmental, you’re too unrealistic”. no, i’m neither of those things. i just love myself. i love myself enough to know what i need, what will improve me, what will grow me, what i deserve. i’m loving myself, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.” (Billy Chapata, Sour Honey & Soul Food)

And God knows Best.

-A.S.

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Dis-attaching

~

I will peel it from my heart
Like a sticker from paper;
A sticker that has stayed on for far too long
And now runs the risk of ripping the substance it’s on.

Yet still, like an A+ sticker                                                                                                                            Mistakenly placed on a failing essay,                                                                                                           You, too, were never meant to be attached to,                                                                                          Much less in my life stay.

And so, I tell you thank you for all that you are
And inspired me to be
But I need to move on from you
To focus on realer things in my destiny.

So yes, I will peel you from my heart’s beat
Like a stubborn sticker from a delicate paper sheet
And though the ripping may hurt and sting
It will, at long last, give my heart new wings.

Flight

And God knows Best.

-A.S.

 

 

 

Until You Can Self-Love

Dedicated to Noor, who is simply wonderful to have long talks of love with.

Joy

“If someone loves us but we are trapped by self-hatred, their love will never reach us.” (bell hooks)

~

he wants to know her,

but he doesn’t know himself.

 

he wants to be like her,

but he doesn’t want to be unlike himself.

 

he wants to be one with her,

but he doesn’t know how to be one with his thoughts.

 

he wants to trust her,

but he doesn’t trust the One who created her.

 

he wants to please her,

but he doesn’t want to please the One who created her.

 

he fantasizes of living in her spiritual world,

but he doesn’t want to leave the material one he’s in.

 

he wants to commit to her,

but he can’t commit to his own promises.

 

he wants to love her,

but he doesn’t know how to love himself.

 

My brother…

(and this holds true for all my sisters, too)

 

you cannot fully fall in love with her,

and expect her to love you in return

until you know what it means to love 

and not just love the idea of love.

 

the One who created your beloved

has told you how to self-love

but incredibly in your confusion

you choose to self-hate.

 

love starts from the inside

and blossoms out

it does not pierce from the outside

and make its way in.

 

just as you cannot serve from an empty vessel,

so you cannot give what you do not have

if you have no love for your starving soul,

you will not know how to care for the soul of another.

 

My brother…

(and my sisters, too)

 

you must learn to self-love,

but this is not to be confused with greed and egotistical desire.

real self-love is the remedy to healing

and the formula to know how to heal another.

~

 

“Let’s not kid ourselves, we find mutual love only when we know how to love. And the best place to start practicing the art of loving is with the self – that body, mind, heart, and soul that we can most know and change.” (bell hooks)

~

And Allah knows Best.

A.S.