Cheese Whiz & Frogs… Hello, Prince Charming!

*Once a while, it’s good to just be silly.

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“This can of Cheese Whiz was not so easy to open up at all. I pulled at the cap, twisted, punched it, sat on it – but to no avail. In my anger, I smashed the can of Cheese Whiz against the wall, where it shattered into large chunks of glass. Cheese Whiz splattered everywhere. I was about to start licking the cheese when, before my very eyes, it all assembled into a young handsome man. “Hello, Gloria,” he said in a deep voice. “This may be cheesy, but still: thank you for smashing me against the wall and returning me into my actual form – a prince.””

My siblings and I thought it would be fun to test our creative writing skills after some time of utter brain relaxation and watching episodes of Friends. Using The Writer’s Toolbox by Jamie Cat Callan, I had 3 minutes to come up with something given the simple statement This can of Cheese Whiz.

Now where did I get the idea to transform orange cheese spread into a handsome young prince? I’m not that creative… but the Grimm brothers were.

We all know the classic tale of The Princess and the Frog. Although I think it is positively gross to kiss a slimy frog, others find it rather romantic, and the magical kiss of true love was what returned the frog to his original form.

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But that’s the sugar-coated version of the tale. The actual, earliest version depicted some violence on the princess’ part.

The talking frog followed her everywhere and drove her insane with annoyance. To her, he was just a talking frog who wanted to be close to her and eat from her plate wherever she went. In her fury, she grabbed him in her hands and threw him with all her might against the wall.

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As a frog, he should’ve died; but as a Prince cursed into the form of an amphibian, he instead returned to his original form. As an added bonus, he was handsome, and he held no hard feelings for the girl who tried to kill him.

They got married and lived happily ever after. The End.

Would you like to know some other facts of the original fairy tale stories? All references are taken from the book Grimms’ Fairy Tales:

  • SNOW WHITE:

Contrary to Disney’s version, Snow White had not sung with her Charming Prince before the curse happened. She’d never laid eyes on him. When she ate the poisoned apple (which wasn’t actually swallowed, but just stuck in her throat), the Prince heard of the matter and decided to check out the so-called dead body. When he saw her, he thought she was so beautiful that he couldn’t keep his eyes off her. He had no intention of kissing her awake – who would kiss dead lips? – but he merely wanted to stare at her endlessly, through the glass coffin, in his castle. Not like there was something creepy about that or anything… She would be his decor in the castle! As fate would have it, on the way to the castle, his klutzy men tripped and dropped the coffin, allowing the poisoned apple piece to come spurting out her throat.

She agreed to marry a stranger. They lived happily every after. The End.

  • CINDERELLA:

Contrary to Disney’s version, Cinderella’s dad was not deceased so that he was helpless to defend his daughter against her step sisters and step mother. He was shockingly quite healthy and alive, but simply was passive and did not play a very serious role called fatherhood.

But it gets worse: When it was time for the girls to try on the forgotten shoe (and it was not of glass), her stepsisters sliced off their toes and their heels to fit it. The naively blind prince was tricked every time into believing each stepsister was ‘the one’, threw her on his horse (kidnapping much?) and never noticed the blood trailing behind until a plant or a tree sang to him midway to the castle to look behind the trails of the horse. Each time, he returned the injured stepdaughter to the mother, and failed again, and returned the second one home, before he finally found Cinderella.

(Never mind that he was looking for ‘the one’ yet could not identify anything about her except the shoe size.)

Despite his gullibleness, Cinderella agreed to marry him. Somehow, they lived happily ever after. The End.

Almost every fairy tale story you are familiar with, actually has a dark plot. There are often gory details involved, but I think I have written enough about the origins; your childhood is most certainly destroyed now.

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I actually have nothing against these fairy tales… they’re amusing to me and I can’t help but ponder what made two brothers think of collecting them all. Regardless, I think it’s important to know the original sources of inspiration for popular culture stories we raise our children on. (Look at me, even I used inspiration from The Princess and The Frog for my Easy Cheese 3-minute-one-paragraph story!)

In the meantime, work your creativity juices by writing your own stories!

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Wishing 2014 to be a year of happiness, blessings, tranquility, and, above all, increased empathy for humankind and a tender heart that keeps praying for them all.

Happy new year! 🙂

-A.S.

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