During this past Ramadan, I’ve had a lot of time to work on goals, edit certain habits and increase in my worship. I’ve also had lots of time to think, lots of time to reflect on what lessons life has been teaching me in the last few months.
I’ve been cramming too many memories into my diaries without closely considering what impact they have on me. But much self-reflection during this month has made me realize that all these events had very powerful lessons. They’re all sort of disconnected and random, but somehow in poetry everything kind of flows together. So here they are, poetry-style:
“I’ve Learned Not Nearly Enough”
What I know and what I fiercely hope for
Can collide with force like the force of a door–
A door slamming shut with a sound so loud,
Waking me up when my head’s in the clouds.
I’ve had time to think and time to reflect
To ponder invalid assumptions and their ill effects
I’m through with expectations, I’m through with false hope
I’m through with clinging to a weak faulty rope.
I’ve learned that the more I self-deny, then the deeper I sink
Until emotions cloud my ability to properly think
But then that threshold moment occurs, when it all just snaps
And I’m suddenly awake from reality’s cold slap.
I’ve learned that promise without immediate action
Is like an unwanted, unsuccessful chemical reaction
It impacts, makes something– But not worth my while
It causes annoyance and the absence of any smile.
I’ve learned that the way you feel
About how you think others feel about you
Affects your own interacting behavior
To the extent you no longer have a clue,
Who and what is really you.
I’ve learned that what I look at and what I keep in my sight
Is what really matters at the end of the night
Am I keeping my eyes on the goal without looking at the ball?
In ignoring the means, am I preparing for a downfall?
I’ve learned that focusing purely on the means
While faithfully leaving the outcome to Him
Creates a feeling of sweet serenity within
And somehow, some way, yet always always
He causes the best outcome at the end of the day.
I’ve learned that my dreams
Don’t always tell me what I need
Sometimes they merely reflect
What I already want with greed
And when that mindset of mine dissolves
So do the figures in my dreams evolve.
I’ve learned that despite what I know
And what I keep poetically rhyming about
Reminders are needed,
Foremost to myself,
Without a doubt.
Above all, I’ve learned that
No matter how much I learn
Of this really important stuff
I’ll never get to the point
Of learning nearly enough.