Unwelcome Emotions

There is nothing more frustrating

Than knowing how you should feel

But yet a flow of the total opposite

Of emotions seem more real…

You know what is required:

Put in your all, rely on Allah…

Do your best toward success…

Then smile and put your mind to rest.

Theoretically, hopefully

Ideally so

Sounds easy, no?

But for some reason your heart starts whispering “uh oh”…

You think, “I know better,

I won’t let this be”–

Still, unwelcome emotions

Creates a new reality…

So instead you get agitated

And stressed out and uptight

As if stuck in a dark cave,

With no light in sight.

You know you should feel assured

Assured, grateful and blessed

But you’ll feel angry at the world

And angrier at yourself for failing the test…

And you know you’re failing it

For the test is to be patient

But since impatience is where you’re at

Obviously your level of progress remains flat…

So you feel guilty for feeling ingrateful

Then deny those feelings all the same

You’d prefer to complain about your situation

Than changing the rules of the game.

How many times will you hear,

“Have faith, this is just a test!

So long as you hold tight to that rope

The outcomes will surely be the best!”

And so, you tried to be patient,

And you tried (and tried and tried) to be strong

But for all your efforts, it’s only when it’s over

You realize that God was there all along.

And shame overwhelms you

For how could you forget?

Your heart knew it somehow

But your actions showed neglect.

You knew there was a Being

Much stronger than you

You knew there was a Being

Much wiser than you.

A Being who drew a map

Of your life before you existed

Who solved all your problems

Before you even resisted.

And now that it’s over

It’s like you see the light

You were in the wrong direction

Yet now the negativity has taken off in flight.

You now smile and laugh in pleasure

Proud in how you handled it so well

Only until you fall into another pit hole

And the negativity is back to dwell.

When will we learn to change our mindsets

To realize each day and hour is simply another test?

And that the easier path is not always the right one?

Convictions shouldn’t change when the easy times are gone.

May God keep us steadfast

In actions and deeds

And in emotions that are healthy

For our hearts to feed…

Because man, let me tell you

And I’m sure you know it, too:

There is nothing more frustrating

Than knowing what you should feel

But yet a flow of the total opposite

Of emotions seem more real.

–A.S.

October.15, 2011

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s