May 26 2019

We Are All Broken

Sharp Details

Perhaps what every human being shares

Regardless of ethnicity, faith, hue, and no matter where

Is that we are all, in some way, broken.

Some of us are broken physically

And this broken-ness is apparent in treatments and visits medically

No matter the medical issue:

Broken bone, limb, cancerous cells, ripped tissue…

Broken physically.

Some of us are flawless in matters of health

But helplessly drowning in lack of wealth

Broken financially.

Some of us are comfortable materially

But suffering from bad thoughts and unpleasant events

Broken emotionally or mentally.

Some of us appear to be handling everything well

But on long-broken promises their thoughts on still dwell

Some carry in them memories of broken dreams,

Broken hopes, broken expectations.

Broken trusts, broken faith,

Broken will, broken heart,

And that’s why I pray,

O God,

If break I must to fall apart,

Then so be it

Just give me the beautiful patience and endurance

To rise from it

But please, O God, do not let this broken-ness

Be a break from You

Because with You, all broken-ness can mend

Without You, every night is an end.

Floating Lantern-Like

Duaa:

اللهم لا تَجْعَلْ مُصِيبَتَنَا فِي دِينِنَا وَلاَ تَجْعَلِ الدُّنْيَا أَكْبَرَ هَمِّنَا وَلاَ مَبْلَغَ عِلْمِنَا وَلاَ تُسَلِّطْ عَلَيْنَا مَنْ لاَ يرحمنا

“Oh Allah, do not make our affliction in our religion, and do not make this world our greatest concern, nor the limit of our knowledge, and do not give power over us to those who will not have mercy on us.”

Ameen.

And Allah knows Best.

-A.S.

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Apr 4 2019

No Explanation Necessary

Human Ray of Sunshine

To all the women who are told

To be all that they can be, confident and bold

That nothing could and should ever contain them…

Except to realize, apparently, a piece of fabric can…

Resulting from a well-thought out decision to practice her faith,

Which Quebec is now telling her is a really bad career mistake.

Time and time again,

Battles are waged and women end up in the center of the cage

So here the losers are again, in a different form, ever ready

To play out painful insecurities over identity crisis over my body

By telling me how to dress

Speaking about me rather than to me,

Then claiming to know where my interests lie – the irony

And it’s not like we don’t talk! But when we talk, they don’t listen

Convinced anything outside their own limited perspective is a prison

The need to control everyone else’s stride

Is a load of crap and hateful poison inside.

I’m done trying to explain myself to deaf ears.

No explanation necessary.

But, seriously:

They pretend to agree that all women are equally powerful to men

But then because of Orientalist tendencies, accuse me of being subservient to them.

I’m good, really,

Spare me

Your white saviour complex,

Whenever you think you “help” you just make things into a bloody mess.

I don’t have to explain myself.

I don’t need to justify where I am going

Because frankly, contrary to what self-entitled and privileged minds think…

I owe you, nothing.

I don’t owe you a glimpse of my hair,

I don’t owe you a glimpse of my body,

I don’t even owe you a glimpse in my mind,

But I’m fair;

You owe me nothing, too…

Except the same kind of space and respect I already give you.

In the past, we’re talking decade-younger me

I was a patient person… still am, but not as naively

I’ve learned to now prioritize my generous patience depending on the condition.

Like, I now ask myself a pretty crucial question:

Is this person genuinely clueless, genuinely curious, or is he just being deliberately racist, sexist, Islamophobic, misogynist?

Because honestly, life is tiring enough without justifying my existence,

Over and over again – please spare me this bullshit.

I do not have to explain myself to you.

To the young man on the bus

Who gave me a piece of his unasked-for opinionated mind,

And the random Facebook strangers who think

After their virtual approval in comments I anxiously run behind,

To the people who think I’m too Muslim for a Canadian woman

Parce que <<Au Québec, c’est comme ça qu’on vit>>, apparently

Too terrified to acknowledge they themselves are not natives to this land, more irony…

Mere immigrants and settlers,

Colonizers and oppressors…

Newsflash:

Might seem a bit rash, but —

I do not have to explain myself to you.

To the people who claim religious symbols of any kind make them « uncomfortable »

Turban, crucifix, kippa, hijab, even just a nice long skirt…

I’m always this close to wanting to blurt:

Did you know that there are actually some things that also make me uncomfortable, too?

*Gasp* (No, it’s true!)

But like most people bent on flourishing and blooming on my own path

Instead of bottling up my insecurities and unleashing my wrath

On a group of supposedly “different” people…

I’ve simply learned to be accepting of harmless differences

Because you know what?

I know the world doesn’t revolve around me.

And it doesn’t revolve around those who with my spiritual outlook disagree. Sorry.

I do not have to explain myself to them.

It truly bombards me with waves of confusion

That people try to pass pathetic laws and bills based on the illusion

That what makes them squirm

Like a worm inside

Has the same importance to the point of banning it on the outside.

Are you kidding me?

My favorite expression is “leave it at the door”

Like removing a pair of shoes at the masjid,

Casually toss it on the floor,

I hate to inform them, that’s not how my faith works.

I do not have to explain myself.

Haters have a peculiar diet.

They love to feed on fear

They unite and bond closer over violent riots,

Excited for all but themselves to smear.

You do not have to explain yourself to them.

No explanation necessary.

Just let me be.

Red Alley

And God knows Best.

-A.S.

Mar 2 2019

Kindred Spirit

Star Light, Star Bright

A momentary glance at you

A quick smile exchange

And my desire to speak to anyone else

Right now just fades.

Because you are enough.

Almost everyone else is just extra.

Your kindness, your gentle eyes,

Takes me to another era –

Where I never stopped being a little girl

And you never lost that childish smile

Where we can both freely say what’s on our minds,

Unfiltered; at least for that mini while.

I may not even know you long enough

Or well enough to call this fond feeling a pure love

But what can I do if my heart has decided you are a kindred spirit

Angelically sent into my world with the function to uplift

Even when we talk of subjects dark, grim, and unpleasant,

Your company alone is still one of life’s most marvelous presents.

Upon running into you,

I only wish you knew

The way I instantly feel

A flurry of excitement

But also a calmness more real.

A minute before you walked in my day,

I felt like I had a million things to say

A minute after you left, I felt my socializing was done

For the day.

Not because you drain me

But because I feel fulfilled

Full to the brim with contentment

At this kindred spirit friendship, so splendid.

We may be from different worlds

I don’t expect them to always synergetically collide

But when they do, it blows my mind

And when they don’t, regardless,

I feel happy and blessed

To know someone that uplifts by a simple smile,

Even if I only see you once a very long while.

It suffices to enrich my life,

Because you are so enough.

Glamorous

February 18, 2019

Mar 2 2019

Words Have Power

Stay Blossoming

My poetry is not necessarily

Remarkably great

I write because it’s an odd pleasant struggle

To unscramble my far-fetched thoughts

Into words

And somehow, allowing complete strangers relate.

I’m often asked,

When and why did you get into poetry?

It’s a really long story

But the why, definitely not for glory

The when? We’re talking as soon as I realized

How words rhyming to me is pure zen.

When I write a poem

The thrill is the same as finishing a painting

The canvas being the frustrated bottled feelings,

The ink bringing colour to my never-ending musings.

Poetry is a lifestyle

A means of essential clarity

Turning vague inklings of what I fancy or fear I feel

Into words acknowledging the situation as valid and real

When my mind has wars being fought inside it

Writing becomes my personal armor of sanity and mental uplift

Because as soon as I can make sense of the battles raging inside,

Then immediately all conflicts within cease and I’m fine.

Words are power,

Even if no one but yourself ever hears or reads them.

If you can put honest words to your values and truth,

Then no one and no media can ever make you doubt your worth.

Words have power,

Even if no one but yourself ever hears or reads them.

You have to realise, that growing up

I hid my identity a lot.

It was never exactly out of shame per say,

But merely because what I said uselessly went in folks’ ears one way,

And out the other way.

I’m Canadian.

“No, but where are you really from?

English is not your first language.”

I didn’t have the words then to say that

Canada was not their “home” either

For English and French being the First Nations people’s

Native tongues?… ironically, neither!

I’m Arab. My first language is Arabic.

I’m Muslim. And no, Islam is not the equivalent of being an Arab.

I’m Palestinian, Yes we exist, even if your map denies it!

“Ah, so you’re from the world of Disney’s Aladdin

Chopping hands left and right for desperate acts of sin

Arabian nights, Arabian days”

I didn’t have the words then, as I do today,

To take their ignorant expressions

And then eloquently proceed to slay

Those misconceptions.

Because words have power.

I now write poetry to describe beauty

But my journey started with slaughtering the ugly

Notions and stereotypes people had, still have, about me

Now? I’ve written enough poetry and claimed my own truth

To no longer let anything get under my skin

Trust me,

Even if no one but yourself ever hears or reads them,

Words do have power alright

So spill out your thoughts, and write.

~

~

And Allah knows Best.

-A.S.

(February 2019)

Jan 31 2019

Just a Little Bruised

Ferris Wheel

How to describe this transition?
From highest elevation
To rock-bottom descension
Without the merest expectation.
Heavy long hours
And many a day passes,
And my heart…
Such peculiar sensations it amasses.
How to describe it?
Maybe it’s full to the brim,
Overwhelmed with risk of flood
But it equally feels hollow and empty,
Doing naught but pumping blood.
Maybe it’s very
Lightly cracked
From the constant stream
Of disappointment attacks.
Or hey.
Maybe it’s only a little bit bruised.
Maybe it’s a little purple here,
There a little blue
Maybe the real source of the pain is that you insist to remain true
To you
Among those who don’t have a clue
About their own values.
Maybe your heart is bruised
Because you keep assuming the best
In those who then shatter your hopes
And reveal to be mediocre like the rest.
Honesty is the best policy
But here’s the tragic irony:
That with the wrong people, when honesty has spoken
You may prepare your heart to get broken.
Or.
You may think it’s broken
But honey, that thought is just poison.
Because broken needs repair
And you don’t need fixing –
At least nothing beyond a breath of fresh air.
 It’s just a little bruised.
 A little crinkled, perhaps, but you can smooth it
With a warm meal here,
A little melody there
Indulge yourself in goodness
Speak to God with your soul stripped bare.
Breathe a little sunshine in,
Breathe a few snowflakes out
And before you know it,
The frustrating puzzle piece does fit.
Your heart is fuller than ever before
And one day you wonder, your doubts left behind on shore,
While you breathe the last snowflake out,
Why you can’t recall what the bruising was ever about.

 

 

Slice of Heaven

-A.S. 
Jan.28,2019
Dec 29 2018

Is Your Heart Glowing?

Abandoned

It’s the end of the year, Christmas and New Year’s time, and for most people, a break from work to travel the world. As I sit in my living room under a furry blanket on my phone, scrolling through my social media feeds, I see glamorous and breathtaking photos of oceans, mountains and colourful skies, historical architecture, mouth-watering dishes, and endless sights of this magnificent world.

I glance out my living room window. White snow, white ice, bare naked trees. I suppose I have to be satisfied with that.

After reflecting briefly on that thought, I decided: you know what?

I am okay with that.

I have outgrown the stage where I used to unconsciously and mentally compare myself to the highlight reel friends post for their network to see. Back in the day, perhaps I’d have felt that my winter break – being spent with just family at home, no new sights to see – was pathetically sad and lacking compared to the whirling adventures everyone else was going through. Perhaps I’d have felt peeved that I’m not really as content as I thought I was before the moment I saw all the Instagram stories.

But I’ve matured. I have learned to listen closely to my heart and carefully avoid falling into the traps of comparing-myself-to-others (which is a dangerous road to envy). I now know that if I was content and at peace before logging into Facebook and Instagram, I sure as hell am still content and at peace. My happiness does not have to take the same form as everyone else’s.

Don’t get me wrong, I think travelling is an unparalleled experience and something worth undertaking for sure. I think travelling opens minds and hearts and is almost like a drug – albeit a legal one and halal, of course! And I think travelling is a sure way for my heart to swell and glow.

What I mean is, simply this: not everyone is at the same place in life to do the same things at the same time. Not everyone is able to use up their short winter break and leave their families, leave weighty responsibilities, or have enough financially to travel. Not everyone is in the right mindset or emotionally ready to explore the world alone without a travelling companion. Not everyone has the right health conditions, or wants to leave a loved one that is ill, to take off for wild adventure. Not everyone has the privilege to travel at this very instant.

If you are in one of the above situations, do not for a moment allow yourself to feel like you are missing out. Happiness is not only what you make of life, but also what you choose of how life makes you. You can still make your heart grow and glow in other ways, but you need to know yourself first.

Right now, my winter break may sound a little lame to some. I’m spending it with my large and wonderful family. We have intimate discussions about faith matters, go out to coffee shops, play board games, watch Netflix and movies together. We make our own New Year’s party, celebrate birthdays with unhealthy sweets, and drive together to go grocery shopping. When I want “me” time, I curl up with a book and hot drink, and read; I write in my diary, journal and blog; I make art in the form of drawings, paintings, geometric patterns, or calligraphy – whatever my mood demands; I communicate with friends; and I also just take the time to contemplate my blessings.

These things make my heart glow.

Whether you are travelling or not leaving your town at all, ask yourself: does my soul feel like it is growing? Is my heart glowing?

That’s the most important ingredient to happiness: your heart glowing. As long as that’s happening, then it makes no difference how your life is being played out.

Be thankful. Always.

Yellow Ceiling
And Allah knows Best.

-A.S.

Dec 15 2018

Like a Pendulum

Oval Ornaments

There is so much that needs to be said,

But no words able to say it.

There is so much being felt,

But more numbness with being dealt.

Like a pendulum, we swing.

There is so much passion for life

Even with feelings of death on the inside

There is so much knowledge in minds

And yet intolerable ignorance still lies.

Like a pendulum, we swing.

There is so much peace of mind in souls

But still restless anxiety in egos

Overwhelmed just to think of the incredible beauty in the human spirit

But yet such ugliness it can produce with evil twists!

Always swinging from extremes,

From contentment to resentment,

From gratefulness to bitterness,

From leniency to severity…

How much more ways can we say

That our moods from side to side sway?

Like a pendulum, we swing.

Like a pendulum, I swing.

.

Allah the Knower of hearts Knows Best.

–A.S.

Jul 13 2018

Deserving Love

Abandoned Window Art

So much weighs her down.

  Her morale slipping.

    Her positive energy draining.

        Many a burden weigh her down.

Which may explain why

At this moment right now,

She isn’t thinking

She deserves love.

Love is an ambiguous word

With many a differently interpreted world

But here’s the “love” she decides

She doesn’t, and won’t ever, deserve…

Love

Of a flimsy but popular kind

The kind that takes your imagination everywhere

But ends up really going nowhere

The kind with metal strings and insecure conditions

That force her to one-sidedly make endless compromises

Love

Of a kind that could make her

Hate herself.

No, she does not deserve that kind of less-than-enough love.

She deserves the genuine kind: more than enough.

Love

Of rare but gold-dripping quality

The kind that is boundless in mercy

The kind with many a flaw that is

Forever being addressed and being fixed

The kind that is solid and does not melt at the slightest heat

Love

Of a kind that the more she loves another,

Increases her own self-love.

Genuine soul-quenching love is rare.

  She knows it could be right around the corner.

    Or right around the decade.

        Or perhaps, right around another lifetime.

                She knows there is a possibility she may never find it.

        But that’s okay.

    She knows the kind of love she deserves.

  And she could give it to herself.

Finding a sincere lover would be more than enough.

Her present self-love is already enough.

But to settle for less than enough?

Never.

~
Color and White

“people hate it when you know your worth. you draw the line, you set the precedence, you stand your ground, and they flip the coin on you and make it seem like you’re the one with a problem. “you’re too demanding, you’re too selective, you’re too judgmental, you’re too unrealistic”. no, i’m neither of those things. i just love myself. i love myself enough to know what i need, what will improve me, what will grow me, what i deserve. i’m loving myself, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.” (Billy Chapata, Sour Honey & Soul Food)

And God knows Best.

-A.S.

May 25 2018

Qur’an Reflections: al-Rahman al-Raheem

~

It’s that time of year again where my inner voice reminds me that I’m not doing a good a job in reading the Qur’an as I should. I read almost daily, but I don’t reflect on it as consistently. So this Ramadan, me and my siblings have begun (and hope to continue, with His grace) a mini “Qur’an Jammin'” discussion circle (halaqa) where we pick a small surah of the Qur’an and let it be the inspiration for discussion.

As an opening to these series, we appropriately chose Al-Fatihah (The Opening) of the Qur’an to be the focus of our first discussion.

Would you know that I have been reciting surat al-Fatiha all my life, multiple times a day. But it’s only when I sat down to analyze it that I realized how blindly I’d been reading it!

The first half of the small chapter is solely describing God. We must worship God, but it’s hard to worship One you don’t know, right? Knowledge is a prerequisite to love.

Ar-Rahman ar-Raheem… Lord of the Worlds. ar-Rahman ar-Raheem… Owner of the Day of Judgement…

It was like my first time reading this. I suddenly realised that in such short a space of lines, two of God’s names were emphasized twice: ar-Rahman and ar-Raheem. While I know that both words stem from the root word rahma, meaning mercy, the exact distinction between them was fuzzy in my mind. So I did a little research by listening to an insightful audio lecture by Sh. Rateb el-Nabulsy. Let me share with you what I learned. 🙂

Holy Qurans

Both “rahman” and “raheem” come from the word “rahma”, which means mercy. So already we know both these words describe God as being merciful.

كتب الله على نفسه الرحمة

The full verse (ayah) is #54 from surat al-An’am, and it specifically mentions al-Raheem:

anam ayah 54

So rahman, raheem… what’s the difference? Let’s compare them and dive just a little bit deeper!

  1. Who is this mercy for?

al-Rahman (الرحمن)

Mercy for ALL creation without exception.

al-Raheem (الرحيم)

Mercy reserved for specific people; the Believers who believe in Him and the last Messenger. Raheem is an exaggerated sense of راحم

2. Metaphor: Graduation Ceremony

al-Rahman (الرحمن)

It’s a high school graduation. Everyone gets the same high school diploma, regardless who did better overall or worse.

al-Raheem (الرحيم)

Everyone got their diplomas… but now special awards are given out to those most deserving, who put in the hardest work and it paid off.

3. Examples

al-Rahman (الرحمن)

Access to warmth from sun, light from moon, water to drink, a loving guardian’s care, etc.

al-Raheem (الرحيم)

Guidance to faith, baraka in time, enablement of good deeds through you or your offspring, etc.

4. What does it deal with?

al-Rahman (الرحمن)

Al-Rahman includes clear blessings that give us ease, but it also encompasses ta’deeb (discipline), in the form of disasters, pain, unfortunate circumstances. Sort of like a surgeon cutting someone open for a greater good.

al-Raheem (الرحيم)

As suggested above, al-Raheem deals with takreem (honouring).

5. Can humans have this quality?

al-Rahman (الرحمن)

Rahman is a quality unique to God. No one can claim to be as boundlessly merciful as the All-Merciful, All-Compassionate. So you are not allowed to name someone Rahman.

al-Raheem (الرحيم)

Raheem is a quality also accessible to man. We can be especially merciful to those we love more than those harming us! You are allowed to name someone Raheem.

6. Sayings

al-Rahman (الرحمن)

God says of Himself:

وسعت رحمتي كل شيء  (My Mercy encompasses all things)

al-Raheem (الرحيم)

  • سلام قوم من رب رحيم
  • Abu Bakr as-Siddique asked the Prophet, peace be upon him, about a du’a he can say in his prayers. “اللهم اني ظلمت نفسي ظلما كثيرا ولا يغفر الذنوب الا انت فاغفر لي مغفرة من عندك وارحمني انك انت الغفور الرحيم”

    Beginning of a Surah

    IN SUMMARY FOR THIS VERY BRIEF POST THAT DOUBTLESS DIDN’T DO JUSTICE ENOUGH TO THE TOPIC:

    Allah is al-Rahman towards all His creation, whether they worship Him or not.

    But he is additionally Raheem towards those who strive to please him.

    All of us would probably be evil if Allah’s mercy did not stop us from following our darkest desires. Here’s a perfect example from surat Yusuf, ayah 53, when al-Azeez’s wife confesses that she lied about Prophet Yusuf, peace be upon him, throwing himself on her:

    yusuf ayah 53

Perhaps the greatest mercy of all is getting to experience paradise twice through al-Raheem’s will. In surat al-Rahman, ayah 46, God tells us:

rahman ayat 46

The person who has taqwa, fears the awesome position of their Lord, receives two jannat (gardens). One is obviously the garden in Paradise, in the afterlife. The other garden is the paradise of this world.

I know what you’re thinking. Not all good-hearted and well-meaning people are living in heavenly bliss here!

But God doesn’t equate “paradise” in the dunya (world) the same way it is in the afterlife. In the afterlife, paradise will really be everything you desire and even more, because there is so much more pleasures there that the human mind cannot even comprehend or imagine. So the Jannah is guaranteed to be bliss in all categories: mind, soul, body, otherworldly sensations – you name it!

But the jannah (paradise) of this world is more on a metaphysical level. This is an inner paradise that anyone truly sincere in his religion can attain… even if they’re in a war zone, in terrible financial situations, stuck between a series of unfortunate events. There are some things simply beyond human control, like these factors. But one thing we have power to do, if we want to do it for our soul and not for show… is get closer to God. Know Him in whatever small capacity you can. Strive hard to be sincere and honest and humble. Through this, and with al-Raheem watching over you, you might attain sweet feelings of closeness with God and certainty in His message.

Imam Hasan al-Basri said, “If the kings and sons of kings knew what joy we experience through this knowledge, they would have fought us over with with swords!”

“يقول الحسن البصري: “لو يعلم الملوك وأبناء الملوك ما نحن فيه من النعيم لجالدونا عليه بالسيوف

May we all be among the blessed people who can experience paradise in this world, before seeing it in the next. Ameen, ameen, ameen!

And Allah knows Best.

–A.S.